I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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