If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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