Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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