Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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