i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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