There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
