So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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