Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
