Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
