so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
