i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
