Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
