I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
