He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize