i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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