Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
