I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
