I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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