I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
