But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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