i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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