my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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