We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize