You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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