So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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