I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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