uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I could fuck to npr.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
