porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
