I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
