I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize