i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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