dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
