I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
