Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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