I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
