I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
