just tell him i said nine months
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
