Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
