Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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