Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
