Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
