so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
