I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
