everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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