He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
