i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
