some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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