Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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