omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i now understand why vodka
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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