His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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