i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
