my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
