This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
