im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
