This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
