omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Every concussion has its silver lining
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
