so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
