i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
