My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
