the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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