did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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