How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
