He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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