So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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