i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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