Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We have started to decorate penises.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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