you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
