We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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