I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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