she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
